4 million are affected by an epidemic of relationship shifting that breaks traditional notions of what a couple should be. Men, Women that have denied their true sexuality in order to follow societal norm of the traditional marriage scenario are increasingly finding other options to “coming out”, I've seen families suffer collateral damage of lives that will forever be changed. Is there anyway to know my husband is gay? Support for the other man, gay husbands, straight spouse & wives of gay men. Coming out is not an event. It's a lifelong process of overcoming learned shame and increasing self-acceptance. I advocate that all gay men must strive to come out - fully. No one can truly be happy and thrive in the shame and secrecy of being in the closet - fully or partially.
“Many men like Dennis Schleicher are walking around in a gay wasteland looking for love. They’re dazed in despair, crying out for love in an often hostile barren land.
"Sexuality is not Sex"
Be safe- Dennis Schleicher Best-Selling Author "Forbidden Love with a Married Man; E-mail Diaries" Support Group Counselor...
More on Coming Out For people of a certain age, initial attempts at coming out are most likely awkward at best and devastating at worst. First there was the struggle to become comfortable enough whit your own sexuality to actually talk about it with a close friend, confidante or at best someone you meet online. Then there were the conversations themselves tentative mumblings, explosions of guilt, bursts of jubilation, or stammering combinations of all three. Finally, most memorable of all, there was the stunned silence that often greeted the big "confession." All this drama made a certain sense.
Coming Out is NOT for everyone!!! But for some it’s the only choice and for others, it will never be an option. Tell us your coming out story???
Coming out is among the most controversial and sensitive issues in the realm of homosexuality, especially within countries and societies where same sex relations are being frowned upon, if not loathed. Even in a country as liberal and as open minded as the United States, hundreds of gay and bisexual men and women are still confused whether or not to reveal their sexuality, more so even face it. While films, literature, and mass media have been very supportive of the aims of gay liberation, and bombarding the world with different projects that encourage homosexual people to come out, truth is when the case is zoomed in on the personal, individual level, the difficulty, anxiety, fear and frustration of disclosing one’s self are really overwhelming.
Coming out stories, whether in print, radio, television, and online, are very helpful to gays and bisexuals who would want to come out but do not know how. These stories, drawn from real lives, show a wide range of cases of fear in coming out, among them being an only son, having a religious family, coming from a high-profile clan, belonging to a homophobic school or office, and many others. These coming out stories inspire gay men and women to come to terms with themselves and be comfortable and happy with who they are. Their continuous emergence in the media help forward the acceptance and equality that the gay population deserves, and wash away conservative, close-minded and prosecuting notions against homosexuality and queerness.
Coming out stories should not be seen as propagandas that make gay people grab megaphones and announce to the world their preference for the same sex. In fact, within the realm of gay culture itself, “coming out” and its extent are still being debated. It should be noted that coming out is not being done just for the sake of sexual declaration. It is done because gays need to share their loved ones and people important to them the lives that they live and want to live, without lies, without denials, without hiding.
The White House issued a statement in advance of Gay Pride Month, declaring LGBT rights to be human rights and recapping President Obama's efforts at advancing equality here and abroad.
"The story of America's Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) community is the story of our fathers and sons, our mothers and daughters, and our friends and neighbors who continue the task of making our country a more perfect Union," reads the statement. "It is a story about the struggle to realize the great American promise that all people can live with dignity and fairness under the law. Each June, we commemorate the courageous individuals who have fought to achieve this promise for LGBT Americans, and we rededicate ourselves to the pursuit of equal rights for all, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.
"Since taking office, my Administration has made significant progress towards achieving equality for LGBT Americans. Last December, I was proud to sign the repeal of the discriminatory 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy. With this repeal, gay and lesbian Americans will be able to serve openly in our Armed Forces for the first time in our Nation's history. Our national security will be strengthened and the heroic contributions these Americans make to our military, and have made throughout our history, will be fully recognized.
"My Administration has also taken steps to eliminate discrimination against LGBT Americans in Federal housing programs and to give LGBT Americans the right to visit their loved ones in the hospital. We have made clear through executive branch nondiscrimination policies that discrimination on the basis of gender identity in the Federal workplace will not be tolerated. I have continued to nominate and appoint highly qualified, openly LGBT individuals to executive branch and judicial positions. Because we recognize that LGBT rights are human rights, my Administration stands with advocates of equality around the world in leading the fight against pernicious laws targeting LGBT persons and malicious attempts to exclude LGBT organizations from full participation in the international system. We led a global campaign to ensure 'sexual orientation' was included in the United Nations resolution on extrajudicial execution — the only United Nations resolution that specifically mentions LGBT people — to send the unequivocal message that no matter where it occurs, state-sanctioned killing of gays and lesbians is indefensible. No one should be harmed because of who they are or who they love, and my Administration has mobilized unprecedented public commitments from countries around the world to join in the fight against hate and homophobia."
She had always considered her husband her best friend. Turns out, she hadn't known him at all.
My husband of 19 years sat across from me in our bedroom, holding both my hands in his. The kids were in bed; he had put on soft music and poured us a glass of wine. Things were looking good — I was getting my hopes up. Instinctively I knew we were in that place that would be forever known as “before” and “after.” For two years now, our marriage had been unravelling, and it looked like tonight was going to be the night when I would find out what demons we were dealing with and we could start the process of healing.
“You’re going to have to be strong,” he began, and I eagerly hung on his words, knowing I would be anything he needed me to be to get our relationship back on track and our marriage back to what it used to be.
He was my best friend. John and I had begun dating almost 21 years earlier and after that first evening together, I knew I was going to marry him. Our courtship consisted of hours together talking, going for walks, and planning our future together.
We married in May 1981 and shared almost all of our non-working moments together.
Damage from the Closet as Gay Married Men in Fear of Coming-Out to a Straight Spouse & Family May Never Come True
By Dennis Schleicher
Behind the gay married man coming out lies his own traumatic tale of damage from his past, any person does not want to be rejected for belonging to a minority which society in the past historically has many stigmatized as immoral, unnatural or bad. Therefor so many gay men never come-out from the closet. So many of us who are attracted to the same sex deny or repress our true feelings of being called “gay.”
The discovery of your husband same-sex orientation often seems to a spouse like a confirmation of their own self-worth. Many women don’t tell anyone what is now “our secret” out of embarrassment, fear and now much shame. Some are asked by their husband not to tell because of fear of anti-gay reactions in the community or the fear of losing a job, friends and how others see the family, fearing rejection of job loss, social status or self-respect.
The majority of married gay men say they sensed being different from other men or realized their same-sex preference when marrying, but most decided to live a straight lifestyle, remaining gay only in self-identity, feelings or fantasies. Feeling their love for their straight wife was so strong to make them forget or overcome any sexual attraction to men.
Healing this kind of damage takes years of working with in therapy as well as groups that can help you come out and feel its fine to be yourself, own your life.
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is here for you. Our members are parents, families and friends of LGBT people and LGBT people themselves. We have been through much of what you are now feeling. We understand.
Right now in America there are over 2 million couples secretly struggling with homosexuality in their marriages. Are you one of them? Are you having intimacy issues? Are you suspicious about your husband’s late night activities? Or are you oblivious to a problem that could be putting your health and the livelihood of your family at risk? Don’t tell yourself that you’re simply being paranoid without taking a closer look!
Homosexuality can pop up at any time during a long-term relationship. Your spouse may have been experimenting with the “gay lifestyle” even before you met. Maybe he’s just using you as unwitting cover as he seeks playmates in the heterosexual world. For these types, the shame of being “outed” is so great that they will go to any extremes to hide their lustful activities, even tricking a straight woman to marry them to appear so-called NORMAL in society. Sometimes it’s the nervous family who has rushed a young man into marriage out of a fear that his secret will be exposed. For others, homosexuality can appear later in life when men crave some escape from the monotony of careers and home life. Same-sex experimentation is also connected to drinking alcohol abuse as some narcotics are proven to lower inhibitions and to drive people to take risks to feed their true same sex feelings.
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Do you feel like you’re living a lie? Are you keeping a secret from your family and friends?
Are you ready to come clean and share your story? From the Producers of the hit show “Intervention” and a Major Cable Network comes a new documentary series about people who live double lives.
We are searching for people that are keeping a major secret from their loved ones, co-workers and friends.
In the documentary TV series we will explore the worlds of everyday people who are living a double life and how, through the help of a therapist, their lives change after they expose their secret.
This is a positive show providing expert help. Those who are selected to participate will receive monetary comensation and free therapy. Anyone and everyone who meets the criteria is encouraged to apply. Have friends that need help? Tell us about it and how it is affecting your life keeping the lie for them.
If you are keeping a major secret from the ones you love the most and would like some help sharing your story, please email a brief description of your situation to:firstname.lastname@example.org
Fulfillment of Your Desires ~ Harnessing the Infinite Power of Truth, Being Honest
We all have a deep longing then unforeseen events conspire to manifest it as a partnership with a woman. Gay Husband!
I’ve seen others come up with solutions to life big challenge.
Most of us simply dismiss these events as events as coincidence. The mistake is made not taking a closer look, for the word “coincidence” means happening at the same time, and these moments are actually glimpses of a place where everything happens at the same time, or synchronistically, a place where our past and present future are one.
Tell us what you have done to be honest in filling your every desire.
WASHINGTON — Declaring that members of the military will no longer be asked to lie, President Barack Obama fulfilled a campaign promise Wednesday and signed a landmark law repealing the ban on gay men and women serving openly in the armed services. "This is a good day," a beaming Obama said. "This is a very good day."
The new law ends the 17-year-old "don't ask, don't tell" policy that forced gays to hide their sexual orientation or face dismissal. Its repeal comes as public opinion on such issues as gay marriage and gay rights in general has grown more tolerant.
"I say to all Americans, gay or straight, who want nothing more than to defend this country in uniform, your country needs you, your country wants you, and we will be honored to welcome you into the ranks of the finest military the world has ever known," Obama said.
The service chiefs must first complete implementation plans before lifting the old policy — and they must certify to lawmakers that it won't damage combat readiness, as critics charge. But Obama said: "We are not going to be dragging our feet to get this done."
Breakthrough moment The signing ceremony was a breakthrough moment for the nation's gay community, the military and for Obama himself. The president vowed during his 2008 campaign to repeal the law and faced pressure from liberals who complained he was not acting swiftly enough.
Post your Comments & Tell Use What you Think????
I feel this is a great move for the many men I work with that are Gay and Married and need help coming OUT and being honest to family, friends and wife’s married to a gay husbands.
During the holiday season, it’s easy to get caught up in frantic activity that leaves you exhausted, out of balance, and susceptible to winter colds and flu. If you want to truly enjoy this special time of year, the best gift you can give yourself and your family is nurturing self-care.
1. Do one thing at a time. Give yourself the joy of focused attention. When you’re cooking, turn off your phone, Blackberry, and TV. Let yourself fully experience the sensory pleasures of preparing and eating your special holiday meals. If you’ve decided to send out Christmas cards (remembering that you can ignore the voice telling you “should” do so), make it a pleasurable ritual. Turn on some beautiful music and focus on the gratitude you have for each person to whom you’re writing a card.
2. Commit to less. Don’t succumb to the collective hallucination that would plunge you into a mad scramble to find thoughtful gifts for everyone from your mother to your child’s teacher, create reindeer topiary for the lawn, and make platefuls of cookies, candies, and pies from scratch. Choose to participate only in those holiday activities that hold meaning and joy for you and your loved ones.
3. Communicate consciously. A helpful tool to prevent emotional strain at family gatherings is the Buddhist practice of “right speech.” Before you speak, ask yourself these three questions: Is what I am about to say true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?
4. Maintain a restful sleep routine. While it’s easy to fall into an erratic schedule with parties, travel, preparation, and other seasonal events, you will feel better and actually be able to accomplish more if you cultivate a restful sleep routine. When you find yourself pushing too hard or overdoing any activity, rest.
Because of all the comments and Google ranking this #1 Dec 18th I’m posting it to the TOP for now!!! Be Safe - Dennis
A man allowed me to post an e-mail sent the men in our support group.
Dear Dennis & Group,
I've been married 13 years. I was wondering and thinking about this question, in my own case is, would I be making love to my wife if I hadn't married to begin with? Labels have zero meaning with me. I love the body of a man, love to make love to a man, and love to have sex with many men in general. I haven't answered the question myself of would I be making love to my wife if we had never met and my life or, society was different? Don't get me wrong. I love my life, I love marriage and family and the whole Rockwell painting ball of wax that goes with it.
I hadn't thought of what my wife may be thinking of when we make love but I sure fantasize about men. I like sex with my wife because it is an outpouring of my love for her. However, I do feel that if she didn't want sex, we probably wouldn't have it at all. Why? I guess I'm not attracted to women in general. A test for me a while back was at a friend's house and he had an X-rated tape laying around. Big Breasted Women and several ugly men in each scene, I kept looking not at the woman, but hoping a better looking man would enter and the scenes of a woman by herself did nothing for me. In fact, the tape did nothing for me as there wasn't a good guy in the bunch.
No, I'm not hung up on looks (God knows I'm not a model). I'm just making a point. I can get hard in 0.0000002 seconds staring at a pic of a naked bodybuilder but a naked pic of a Playboy model just leaves me cold. Shit, does that make me gay or am I bi merely because I'm married? Don't know and guess I don't care since it's an academic question anyway. I'll never leave my wife, love her, and make love to her to give her all the happiness she needs. As for my own needs, I have wild, sweaty, leather sex with another married man who slaps my butt and then we have sex like there's no tomorrow and that fulfills me like nothing else.
If being strictly gay means detesting and never making love to a woman, then yes, that would make me 'bi' because I do make love to my wife (albeit again more for her than for me). I think the question is, however, if I had never married my wonderful wife, would I ever be making love to a woman? Hmmmm....more thoughts while cleaning the garage today. Final thought, just because someone might call me "gay" doesn't make me "gay" any more than someone who calls me "bi" makes me "bi". I am my own man who is, finally after letting go of my inhibitions, enjoying life to its fullest; kind of a double-agent, Clark Kent/Superman kind of thing. The loving father, loving husband AND for damn sure, a lover of hot sweaty, hairy, muscular man-man sex.
Take care Dennis & thanks for having your book on amazon’s kindle. Loved it!
Hi Secret Man,
A local radio talk show host always ends his program with "don't let anyone ever steal your joy". In reality, I think a lot of us are stealing our own joy of life. I understand you love your wives and families and take care of them but also recognize that you are a gay man and are not alone. An old friend told me “being gay is not a choice but being honest is.” Be Safe,
Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays (PFLAG) Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays (PFLAG) is a national non-profit organization with over 250,000 members and supporters and over 500 affiliates in the United States. This vast grassroots network is cultivated, resourced and serviced by the PFLAG national office, located in Washington, D.C., the national Board of Directors and 14 Regional Directors.
Hartford Gay and Lesbian Health Collective "The Hartford Gay & Lesbian Health Collective empowers individuals of diverse sexual orientations, gender identities and gender expressions to lead healthy lives through the provision of health and support services, education and advocacy."
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Oprah & Friends A great place to network and find out firsthand what Oprah Winfrey and Friends are up to these days, go behind the scenes of Harpo Productions and see what this media giant is doing, post your comments and opinions about Oprah & Friends.
Lesbian, Gay, & Bisexual Community Support Centers
The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center
We invite you to explore the Center both online and in person!
The Center hosts a variety of political and community advocacy events, and our organization is also active in numerous human rights and social justice initiatives.
Bi The Way; An exploration of Male Bisexuality Bisexuality is a topic that remains largely taboo for a lot of men, despite the fact that there are millions of men out there who find themselves attracted to both men and women. There is a lot of pressure, particularly on young men to either identify themselves as straight or gay, and whilst peer pressure makes it hard to come out as gay, its even more difficult to come out as bisexual as there is no clear peer group where you can turn to support.